Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
