Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
