can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
