smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
