just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
