Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
