oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
