I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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