Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
