There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
