i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
