my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
