I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
