i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
