i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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