My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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