Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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