The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
