Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
