Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
