Your dad touched me again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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