I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
