I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
