Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
