one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
