is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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