I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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