I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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