I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
this will be a night to untag.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize