The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
