Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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