Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
