I wish they made helmets for livers.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
