What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
