Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
