true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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