Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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