I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
organizing the empties. That sober.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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