are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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