our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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