...so i touched it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How's work?
Spinning.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize