Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
