I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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