I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
