i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize