I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
