You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize