i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize