So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
