New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
love makes seman taste better
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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