My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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