I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
