Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
