Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize