dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
