just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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