Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
