I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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