i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
