tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
