I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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