either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
