I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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