if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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