I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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