Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
