I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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