He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I need to sanitize my soul.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize