is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
