Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize