how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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