So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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