The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
