from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
3 2 1 whiskey
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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