no, he came in my armpit
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
