Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
