I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
