Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
