I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
