Define "chronic" masturbator.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
