I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize