you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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