so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Be still, my beating vagina.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
