I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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