I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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