So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
