I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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