So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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