Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
