I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
