real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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