so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
