Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
