My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
