Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
