It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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