I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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