Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
